i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
