It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
