You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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