the new term for farting is butt boxing.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
