just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
