just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
