There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
