arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
