the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
