Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
