he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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