help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
that's an acceptable place to lick
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
