What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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