8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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