so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
