How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
