yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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