don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
