We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
