never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
