maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
