AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
