Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just want to make out with him forever
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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