I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
