Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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