Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
