PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
When are your genitals available?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
