People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You were trust falling into bushes
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
