She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
