I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
