a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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