Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
