youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
kristin has been a bad kristin
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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