I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize