C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
