that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
