The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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