in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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