in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
