Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
