I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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