one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize