Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
