Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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