lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
