Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
