Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
