i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
