I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
