My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
