I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
