i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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