He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
