this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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