I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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