Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
