My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
