I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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