he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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