At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I skipped work to stalk him.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
