you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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