We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
