new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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