oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm like, not good at living.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
