it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
