I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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