i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
